1/ So, I think I want to tell my story and how #BTS @BTS_twt helped me. I had known about them during the I Need You era (spring '15) and was a casual listener, but loved watching them on variety shows and when vlive launched I was a big fan of that. Once Wings dropped,
2/ though, my entire fandom changed. I heard the song "Lie" for the first time. Those strings, the minor chords building up the major chorus and the way #JIMIN expressed such sorrow in his voice. The line "Find the me that was innocent" stopped my heart. I read the lyrics
3/ over and over again, memorizing them in Korean and the English
equivalent. It was like that song was written for me, by me. I was caught in a lie that I had been telling myself for years. I tried so hard to forget a very horrible past experience that I blinded myself to
4/ my own reality. To the truth of who I was and the pain I had
endured. I was unable to heal because I was unable to admit the pain in the first place.
After that Wings became my solace. The BU my favorite "TV" world. I connected to my own youth through the narrative woven
5/ by bts. I continued watching their variety shows like Run
BTS and fell in love with them even more, as people. They had an air of authenticity that is unheard of in a lot of music. They had vulnerability. They had a bond between each other that was not forced or
6/ manufactured. It was beautiful.
But I was in the closet. I had heard
the things people said about ARMY and I did not want to fit that stereotype so I concealed my fandom,pretended to not know who they were when my friends or family asked me about them. I was a grown woman
7/ who, after 20 something years of living found music that spoke
directly to my soul.
And then Her came. And their Love Yourself project went into full swing. I couldn't be a spectator fan anymore. So I started to tell some friends and family, tried to get them to
8/ understand my love for them. They didn't and that's OK. I joined twt
specifically for #BTS a few months ago and really glad I did because I'm no longer afraid to be a proud army. I have learned that we are not the worst of us. We are beautiful, sweet, caring, charitable
9/ individuals who look up to 7 men who have the entire weight of the
world on their shoulders. I only hope that with ARMYs support we can lighten that burden just a tad.
I will always be thankful to Park Jimin, for Lie. It literally changed my life. I was determined to never
10/ lie again to myself and though it's a hard road, I feel like I am
getting there
Addendum: I have lost over 100 lbs this year and I contribute 80% of that to #BTS I listen to an hour-long @BTS_twt playlist everyday while I work out. And I have learned to value myself in
11/ general. I have learned to love myself. I gained a lot of weight after my mom passed
She was my best friend and my confidant. After losing her I spiraled into a very deep depression that almost took my life. I gained a ton of weight because I just didn't care anymore.
12/ Nothing mattered, my beautiful mother was gone forever. She died early in the AM on 12/26/15 I have many regrets, so many. But my biggest is not letting myself be vulnerable. Not allowing the people around me know the pain I was going through. By the time I had the courage
13/ to tell it was too late. The person who had hurt me died in '14, I found out last year
I never got to look him in the eyes and ask "why?" I was never given that opportunity. I was never able to explain to my mom why I was the way I was from age 12 onwards. Why I was a
14/ nightmare for her. That it wasn't her fault. It was never her fault.
Once Wings came out I literally poured every single cell of my being into it. I listened day and night memorizing everything. Slowly my grief became less of a constant cloud and I was able to see that
15/ eventually it would get better. I didn't have to join my mother like I yearned
So I decided to take better care of myself. To try and extricate myself from that deep well of depression and let go of my painful past. #BTS was there for me the whole way. Not in person but
16/ through their beautiful prose and silliness that made me giggle with pure joy and that ever constant message that I need to love myself. For me, it's not about their beauty or charisma. It is about their soul, their passion, their message and their ability to write poetry
17/
and perform with pure authenticity and passion. They will always be the band that saved me. And now, I'm doing just fine.
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