Tory Leadership Excusometer
I took drugs in the past, but... (circle all that apply)
A) I was young
B) I was stupid
C) They had no effect on me
D) It would have seemed rude not to
E) I did not exhale
F) At least I never voted Labour
G) Who hasn't?
H) Eton summer break is too long

I) Then my dealer stopped taking my calls
J) It was purely for research
K) It was only so that I could spice up (see what I did there?) my bid for PM
L) I never shopped at Aldi or Lidl
M) Only on holiday. What happens outside the UK stays outside the UK, amiright?

N) Then I discovered fox hunting
O) Only because I knew I'd get away with it
P) Who needs to visit the USA anyway? That's why God invented international waters
Q) It never stopped me ruining other peoples' lives
R) Then I found that politics was much more addictive

S) It was the 60s/70s/80s/90s/00/last week
T) Not since this interview started
U) I was merely doing my bit to support developing economies

V) It gave me a unique insight into the plight of the underclasses
W) I found it invaluable in my role at the Home Office/Justice Ministry/Education/Prisons