Thread
#India
#Sexeducation
#Parenting

Though we all want our kids to be safe, the moment someone mentions Sex Education, we shrink into a ball.

Conventional sex education limits itself to half baked scientific knowledge of anatomy, pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

This is still a Victorian model where ultimate aim is to drive people away from notion of sex by making it as uninteresting and scary as possible.

But imparting of real knowledge, information about pleasure, eroticism etc to adolescents brings you in conflict with law.

And the biggest parental fear - if they know about all this, they WILL start using this knowledge.!

Fair enough.

So most kids end up learning about sex from friends and sex videos aka pornography.

There is almost nothing to stop them from their curiosity.

Watching pornography as an adult has its own problems when you don't know how to handle the emotional high-jack of your brain.

How terrible it must be for child's or an adolescents brain to remain sane offer watching porn !

Here i am going to give you step by step "how to" about sex education.
Part 1 - Sex Education sessions in school
Part 2 - Sex Education at home
Part 3 - What to do if you find that your child is watching porn

Part 1 follows. (2&3 later)

Part 1 -Sex Education in School-
Ideal way for this is to designate a teacher for this job. A teacher who is comfortable with biology and does not look skywards when taking about sex. This teacher should conduct sessions as ongoing activity as a part of life skill exercises.

She can be available for trouble shooting when kids have queries that need private and confidential audience of a sensible adult.

Most schools do not agree to do this due to whatever reasons. They prefer an "outsider" to do the "dirty" job in a single session.

Rest all boring subjects are taught five times a week for ten years!
And this most useful and 100% practical subject gets one miserable hour in entire 10 years of school. Beat that!

When I am invited for this job, this is how I go about it.
First, rules -

1.Boys should have a male facilitator for this session and for girls,a female facilitator
2.Sessions should be conducted in sex segregated groups
3.Single age group kids are preferred.
4.30-50 kids in a group is okay.
5.7th std is a good time for first session

This session is for kids only so no staff member is allowed in the room. (Teachers and principal almost die of curiosity at this stage but I am a tough nut and I don't crack under their pressure.) Once I walked out of a school when Principal refused to go out of that room.

I get them all (boys only because I am male) in a classroom or meeting room and tell them that this is a confidential "ask me anything about sex" session.

I give them each one piece of paper.
Ask them to write ONE most important/burning question they have about sex on that chit. They are instructed NOT to write their name. Question should be written in capital letters to avoid identification of handwriting.

All those chits are put in a box that I circulate in the group. I take a few minutes to read all the chits, segregate them in topic specific bunches and to check for any surprise questions. (After 20 years of doing this, there are still a few surprises in every session)

usual questions are -

1.When can we start having sex and when does it stop
2. How frequently should we have sex
3. Homosexuality and other variations
4. Size of penis (evergreen query!)
5. Positions
6. Menstruation
7. What turns women "on"

8. Contraception
9. Rape
10. Child abuse
11. Porn
12. Hygiene - body odour, etc.
13. Masturbation (another evergreen query)

I read aloud questions on each topic together and then give a scientific answers in simplest possible language (that's my specialty :)).

I always talk to them about few VITALLY important things -

1.Consent
2. porn and how disconnected it is from real life + harms of porn

3. Child sex abuse and ways to be safe (nobadtouch.com)
Prevention of Sexual Offences Against Children Act (POCSO) - ALL sexual activity under 18 years of age is PUNISHABLE in india. Most kids and their parents are blissfully unaware of the law of land.

Some questions should not be answered if it requires inappropriate language in the answer as POCSO law penalises such conversations between and adult and child. E.g. once a child wanted to know about best way to pleasure a woman.

I tell them clearly why I will not answer that question by explaining POCSO and consent in simple language.They will have to wait for 18th birthday for that answer from me.

I have been conducting these sessions in schools since last 20 years. They are full of giggles of relief and high fives because children feel really empowered with knowledge and actual experience of non judgemental Q&A session.

One huge relief for kids is that nearly all of them are struggling with same questions about themselves! Realizing universality of their anxiety itself is normalizing experience. It prevents many anxious , self occupied moments for them.
Real defense against harm is knowledge

We ceremonially tear off all those chits at the end of the session and once again assuring confidentiality, i walk away. (I don't ask them their names at any point in the session, i tell them about it right in the beginning)

Feed back about these sessions are consistently and overwhelmingly positive. I really wish schools do such sessions every six months with help of staff for std 7,8,9 and 10.

End of Part 1

Part 2 & 3 will follow in a few days.
As usual, constructive criticism is welcome.
One day i aim to publish questions and answers from these sessions. Hajaron Khwaishe Aisi....