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THREAD: Men who sexually harass women on the street, in bars, at schools, or in the workplace are abusers/bullies. They are also cowards, often using the additional economic pressures of the workplace to force women to acquiesce, to tolerate such men’s interpersonal dominance. /1
The #MeToo movement is born out of women’s rage against the continuing culture of unwanted sexual abuse in the workplace and every other place they turn. /2
The challenges of being harassed on the street are potentially even worse in spaces where a woman’s financial security is at risk; where woman being harassed can’t simply flee from a job or opportunity they likely worked hard to access. /3
Men like Harvey Weinstein or Donald Trump, or for that matter, Joe in the mail room are abusing women in spaces where women’s careers, networks or social standing are at risk. The implication is, “be a good sport, or you may be out in the cold.” /4
When the sexually harass women in the workplace, sexual abusers are holding women’s futures, families and professional success hostage. It is a coward’s act by men who are beneath contempt. /5
Which brings me to the narrative in the business world that says women who assert themselves in the workplace are “angry,” “bossy” or “bitchy,” while men who assert themselves are simply being effective leaders. /6
Writer Judith Humphrey has this to say:
"When we are showing our strongest selves, women often are hit with ugly, critical comments. We are called “aggressive,” “bossy,” and “bitchy.” Senior women I work with report they are at times labeled “ball buster” and “ice queen.” /7
"When we are showing our strongest selves, women often are hit with ugly, critical comments. We are called “aggressive,” “bossy,” and “bitchy.” Senior women I work with report they are at times labeled “ball buster” and “ice queen.” /7
She continues: "All these negative labels originate in the fact that women were brought up to be 'nice girls.' We grow up being encouraged to be cordial and pleasing."
Note Humphry’s use of the word, “pleasing.” /8
Note Humphry’s use of the word, “pleasing.” /8
Now, overlay this “women in leadership positions are bitchy” trope onto the #MeToo movement’s explosive confirmation (yet again) of widespread sexual abuse of women in and out of the workplace. Now what does our collective woman leader as "bitchy" bias point to, specifically? /9
The history of women at work shows that early on not only were women expected to defer to men as natural leaders, they are also expected to dole out little flirtations and sexual thrills to their male bosses and co-workers.
“Honey, get me some coffee. Honey, sit on my lap.” /10
“Honey, get me some coffee. Honey, sit on my lap.” /10
As women have gained more power in the workplace, the culture of sexually tinged obeisance to men has been driven underground. HR policies preclude it. Our daughters are taught to refuse it. /11
And yet, when unwanted sexual advances by men in the workplace get a resounding “no” from women, or when women reach a level of success that they don’t have to dole out the flirtation candy, many men react in universally consistent ways. They get reactive/nasty. /12
The “assertive women leader= bossy/bitchy” trope of the business world is born out of men’s loss of sexual harassment privileges. "Women at the office used to be fun. Now they are not fun." When a woman’s power and position preclude harassing her, that is the sin of sins. /13
When women can say “hell no” to workplace sexual harrassment, it is the EXACT moment that men’s dominance is erased. Because, of course, it’s sexual. Of course that’s where bullying abusive men locate their dominance, in the single most intimate aspect of human interactions. /14
Those men among us who are sexual harassers then say? “She always angry. She’s having her time of the month. She’s a lesbian.” It's no coincidence that these abusive men are the same ones who flood the internet with complaints that modern women won’t connect with them. /15
Men who are about abusing others (both men and women) simply don't know how to navigate equal power relationships, especially across gender. This is why #MeToo seems so unfair to them even as they abuse others. /16
This one's on us, guys. We can thank our buddies, our brothers, perhaps even ourselves for the rage that women feel as their careers, their bodies, their simple sense of personal joy are held hostage in the daily cat and mouse of our culture of bullying and sexual abuse. /17
Face facts, gentlemen. We haven’t contributed to creating a safer world for women, we’ve participated in sustaining a shitty one, by our actions or our inaction when others abuse. On top of it all, we have the unmitigated gall to be frustrated that we don’t get enough sex. /18
#MeToo is a rejection of some men’s ugly, brutal sexual power plays in the workplace and on the streets. Men’s sulking resentment at having their power challenged is evident in their abusive responses to women who have the audacity to stand up for their basic human rights. /19
And as a man, I get to own my part in this. I don’t get a pass, and I don’t get a #NotAllMen. /20
Until all men, every single one of us, take responsibility and stand up against the epidemic of public and private sexual abuse going on all around us, we will rightfully be held accountable for the men among us who behave like animals instead of human beings. #Enough /21
This thread is based on a article on Medium. medium.com/@remakingmanho… /22
AFTERWORD: For those who may be tempted to point out that women commit sexual abuse, I'm hip to that. Today, we're talking about abusive men. So, thanks for your input. Perhaps you'd like to have a seat... *points* over there? /23
Want to start a powerful conversation about masculinity and #MeToo with someone you care about? Give them a copy of Mark Greene's The Little #MeToo Book for Men. Available at Amazon. --> amazon.com/dp/0983466963 /24 
For those who want to go deeper on what our man box culture of masculinity creates: /25
Also this: /26
