I've came across lots of folks who have been emotionally abused by their workplace - where they no longer feel like they can separate personal selves from their work. On many occasions, organisational leadership may take advantage of this... here's how to spot this happening /1

Being asked to work much longer hours regularly (not just to meet a deadline or get something over the line). When you speak up about this, you're told thar you just don't get the mission or you're just not "passionate" enough. Passion will be used as a "criteria" to gatekeep.
/2

When you ask for a £ increase, you're told that this shouldn't be about the money, that it's about the mission & doing X for Y. You're told that this isn't about financial gain but about the opps the job provides you & if you think about £, then you're not the right fit
/3

There should be NO shame about talking/asking about money in your job. You are paid for a service, & if you didn't complete that service, you wouldn't be employed. Therefore, if you believe your service is worth more, there should be a fair discussion. NOT emotional abuse.
/4

You can be friends or even consider colleagues family HOWEVER this line shouldn't be used to abuse you. "We're all a family here & need you to do X bc of Y". Your workplace is not your family - yet again, you're paid for a service. Your needs shouldn't be disregarded.
/5

Leadership behaviour is crucial. When leadership use emotional tactics to get employees to do things that benefit them, this is inappropriate. Such as crying to get you to make difficult life decisions or saying that you're being selfish if you don't make a certain sacrifice.
/6

Many of us may have had abusive families. We do not need to accept abusive workplaces too. Leadership must be held to account when they perpetuate or allow these things to be perpetuated.
/7

Perhaps you'll hear about how "X is really passionate, they're the best person for the job". What does "passionate" mean? Does it mean willing to work free hours, deal with shoddy proj mgmt & pivot requirements right at the end? WHAT DOES IT MEAN!?!
/8

Often, I see "passionate" used to actively exclude those w/ no spare time or at a stage of career were work isn't everything (entirely fair & expected). Those deemed passionate can fall to the emotional abuse of always trying to meet a standard set at an earlier career point.
/9

This emotional abuse means people make huge sacrifices for work, perhaps realising later that no one made any sacrifices for them. I've spoken to people who when I've asked who *they* are (not their work-selves), they've broke down in tears bc they just don't know anymore
/10

Take note of how leadership & workplace treats you. Are long-nights expected regularly? Are concerns pushed to side of "not getting the mission"? When asking for £ increases, you're told "that's not what we're about"? Hearing "family" thrown about until it means both ways?
/11

It is a privilege to choose where you work - I hear that. I also want those in mid-management and leadership to understand impact of these kinds of actions, regardless of whether they're deliberate or not.
/12

Think about who shoulders the responsibility when things go wrong and why. And if this responsibility is fairly landing, what is the impact on those who it does land to. Are employees being used as scapegoats, when really, the issue is poor, ineffective leadership?
/13

Don't forget how "gratefulness" of employees who have barriers against them can be used against them. Bc they are so grateful just to be there that they accept this kind of behaviour bc it means so much to be there. The industry needs to do better /14

Regardles of intent, impact is same - employees feel like they must sacrifice their own selves for workplace, who don't look out for them in the same way. Directly attaching themselves to their workplace as if it's a personality-trait to work there. Look after yourself first!/end

Ps buy my book when it comes out next year 😂